This Is My Story

My  perfect  dream (0303′2003)

    Every creature which God creates was simply amazing, awesome and full of wonders.  As I look at the bright moon I can still remember how my mom does her best just to let me feel how special I am.  My father cant afford not to see me every now and then, he touches my little hands and cuddle me so gently wherein I can smell his heavenly scent perfume which sticks to nostrils that makes me to miss him if he’s not beside me or away from me.  He is my angel sent from above.  How lucky I am to be in this wonderful world but what is the purpose why I’m here? Is it to love and be love in return? Have you ever fall in love? Why these things happened? What do you think? What was its real meaning? Everybody was craving and wanting to know its meaning and it’s funny to admit no one could ever found its meaning perfectly and just end up with nothing but questions.  Is love is that special?

According to our holy bible, love is very patient, very kind, never jealous, never envois, never boastful, nor proud, never haughty, nor selfish, never rude for the greatest is love but wait, why people who are in love feel jealous especially when their doxy go out with another man and woman? Is it love?

According to them, they might just leave them and won’t love them anymore.  There just afraid of separation which they think is the worst thing to do if you’re really in love.  As I research for an answer I found this idea that we feel jealous because of the fear that our special someone might just found someone extra special and because you feel that your love isn’t returned and for those who feel jealous and wanting to do some crime just to fight.  Beware! that is self centered love. Feeling of envy which entitled for their own welfare. Envy is complex emotion. The desire to have something you think is good for you stems from self-love. Me? I’m always in love…. Why this crazy little thing called love keep on knocking at everybody’s heart?

    It was September or October 2003? CHADA was formally formed as a group wherein I met this guy bearing this name Kalag.  I’ve known him for a long time but I haven’t got the chance to see him or even talk to him and ask him if he’s ok.  Actually, tiyo just kept on telling us his sad life story.  I feel sad but life must go on.  The first time I heard his story, I just ignore it.  For God sake! I don’t know him, I don’t care! But through the kindness of Tiyo Pats I know a little bit about him.  Tiyo Pats and Kalag were former member of CEVSAR wherein they became friends in crimes (I think so!) I just don’t know why Kalag was something special even if (correct me if I’m wrong) he’s not interested with mountaineering activity anymore. Everybody kept on mentioning his name and hey! I don’t know him… (Kinsa diay siya?) hello? (Anak siya President?).

We agree to have a meeting and there I’ve got the chance to see him. You know what? I found him interesting and in fact he caught my attention. From then my mind was spinning around wishing and dreaming of something and wanting it to be real. This question just pop out in my mind “What if he would be my boyfriend?” but it WAS SO IMPOSSIBLE! I’m just a dreamer, dreaming of a thing which is very impossible to happen. I have no idea why I’m dreaming of him. From that day on, I lived full of imagination (I don’t know why?) I’m starting to look for him and ask some info about him (gaga sa?). I silently fall for nothing. It’s embarrassing to admit “I’m crazy ‘coz I haven’t see him anymore!” I just kept on asking my co-group about him. What a cruel world? It’s so unfair! Cyril notice how restless I am asking questions ‘bout him and listening stories (bad or good) ‘bout him. So he tease me that I like him but of course I didn’t tell him (kahiya noh! Sos, if pwede lang I will!) But instead I tell him it’s because of the entire member he’s the one I often see. (lusot sa?).

    Until one day. I met him in Ayala Center (Store Shop) having a new hair cut, my heart jump for joy seeing him. That day is the schedule for us to be an official member of CMA (signing sa red book). I’m suppose to approach him because Tiyo ask me to but I loose the courage and confident and of course I might just open my mouth, just stare at him and be in a state of shock! Exaggerated isn’t it? That reaction I was thinking is going to happen if I’m going to approach him, Speechless, “tanga” and all those stuff. Me, Che-ann and Quenny roam around but I saw my crush (a boy next door crush) and he invites me a date (we’re friends, you know.). After that date, I went to the meeting. I was a little bit late. I simply glance at him, “pacute-cute” but my God he didn’t even notice me (K,lang!).

    All the CHADA members were finish signing the red book. You know, time to go home when I noticed and heard something fishy “He got a GF” it seems the world stops and I found myself just in a very little being living in an unfair world. I was hurt! he broke my heart into pieces. Sad to say I can’t tell anybody they don’t know how I feel for him. I just kept it in myself I was hurt so much by someone else. The pain it brings penetrate the inner part of me and it was tattooed to the deepest part of my heart, the scar it brings will remained forever and here I go again crying and being hurt with Kalag. (Palihug ko’g patay anang kalaga) I stumble twice and being hurt. I’ve got so many questions, why these things happen to me? I was then, a very good girl, a kind of GF (daw!) but why? I can think of many what if’s but why?

Days, weeks and months past……. until another year starts…… nothing happen……

    It was January 25, 2003, when we (my CHADA group excluding kalag) decided to have, you know, relax to Olanggo Island. I’ve got the courage to tell Rizza how I feel towards Kalag. I’ve got the chance to have his number through Tiyo’s phone but I was just so afraid to have it, thinking that he would just ignore my messages or what. Every meeting he’s the first person I looked for but even his spirit was not around (I hate him!). Every now and then I kept on thinking with him. I heard a lot of rumors ‘bout him and it hurts but I simply don’t care! So what? I don’t have damn rights to complain, he just simply didn’t know me.

One nice day when I open my eyes and live to the fullest, things, persons, time fit its places and good chances. Guess what? I’ve got his lucky number (Cell number) through Rizza (nasad). I text him in a “loko-loko” way and then he reply in an honest way (two thumbs up! What an honest prince your majesty…) He was eager to meet me. So, I decided to reveal the real me behind the mysterious messages. He doesn’t recognize me! Hu-hu-hu! We started to become a call-mate. I enjoy talking to him. He is so sweet but it didn’t last for long coz he hurts me. He just kept on pressing the cancel key when I tried to call him up to ask and check if he’s doing fine. I can’t take it so I stop our communication and I decided to forget him (iyak gani ko ato…) for I know it would just go for nothing. Rizza kept on asking me if I’m sure of what I really feel and of course I do. Mark almost shouts to the world about us that were friends over the phone. They start to tease me but he really hurts me and I don’t care anymore. Does I’m in love?

    One dark rainy night, when I was being trapped to opaw’s questions (Kalag my loves) so, I have to tell him the whole truth from top to bottom, how and why it happen. According to Opaw’s statement kalag has a GF for a long period of time. I still wear a smile but with so much pain. I don’t want him to notice I was hurt, it was not alright but I have to accept it. I do trust Opaw. He’s one of Kalag’s closest friend and of course he knows Kalag very well.

    I’ve got suitors but I kept on telling them to wait until March 1, to have an answer. I’m just little bit waiting that day to come that March 1, 2003 is special day for me, wishing for a beautiful event that would probably happen. You know, wishing that love would spoils around the city, I’m honestly in love, he has a GF, I know very well but I still have so much courage that I’m going to meet him. My friends start to tease me and all I can say is I D-O-N-T C-A-R-E!!! Each new day comes, I know and it starts very clear I’m in love with this guy. Hey! I’m falling so deeply to a guy which impossible to be with. He got a GF and me? I don’t have! I’m just waiting my lucky charm to come and hoping it was him (wa koy plan ha, na mang-agaw ng BF ng may BF ha,)

    DAYS Past by……….. It was then, March 1, 2003. I pack up to be ready for our BMC at Mountain View Park. I’m little bit excited and happy of course. I never thought that would be the most happiest day I could have. We arrived late at JY Square, everybody was waiting for us impatiently I was sitting then, beside with Reagan (Mr. President itself), when Kalag arrive. I can’t believe it!!! yah! I LOVE HIM FOR REAL!!! See! He doesn’t know me but Rizza introduce me to him. I just smile at him. From then, we talk and talk. Suppose to be, he don’t want to go with us but I don’t know what made him change his mind. He sit across from me, it seems someone’s tickle my heart and I can’t look at him straight, I’m shy you know.

    At Mountain View…………… We walk to our destination. It was so hot and same as usual I have my foolishness act at I’m just restless person and full of Questions (Kiat in other word). We reach to the big cross and then we fix things and cook some food. Rest… rest… rest. It was lunch time when he seat beside me (hay! tupad mi.) BMC started (ah! Basta buang-buang mi adto) I don’t know if he enjoys (bahala siya, basta I enjoy seeing him!) How I wish I could held his hands and ask him what’s the truth behind my doubtful Questions but I can’t, I’m shy…. I Love him, I love him!! During break we talked and share some things ‘bout ourselves and funny experiences. Night time come, when we got a chance to talk. Love life! which just bring us both into a painful experiences and take not he don’t have a GF. (pachar2 si Kalag) How I wish the time stops and that night won’t end. I just love his company. Even the cold wind blew and the moon stops it lights and supernatural beings start to roam around (holy hour na baya) I simply don’t care (basta naa lang si Kalag), it’s getting late so we go upstairs to check our co-group but it seems everybody don’t care and drunk. I think there’s a strong force which pull us to stick (hay! I like it!). Why is that so? Were meant to be? (illusion paka glynn) or his my destiny? (sana!)

    Here we go again talking, until that wishing well butt-in with our conversation. We both agree to go at the wishing well. We went down… Can you guess what I wished for? It’s funny to admit but I wish for him to be my boyfriend (illusionada ka Glynn! Gaga! Shy lang ko ako self) We start to walk back to our co-group (hhww) I don’t know why does it happen. My hand just slide and suddenly we hold each other’s hand and I automatically hug him (kahiya ka talaga Glynn) I felt shy, he might just judge me for being…. you know! Basta hhww me that we are approximately a couple of steps from out co-group, when I ask him if I can hug him (kabaga jud nawong!), but in fairness he hugs me in comfort. All I’ve done is a stupid thing but all I know is that I want him to be near and wanting him to be mine. (kaluod nimo Glynn) I can’t afford not to see him. I just want him to be at my side always. I never felt cold and we kept on talking and stick onto each other’s side. Until my beautiful brown eyes (hindi pantay na mata) want some rest (I’m sleepy). Before we sleep, we agree to wake up early to witness the sunrise and then we sleep…… Goodnight Kalag. I know I’ll have a good night sleep. How I wish Kalag would be at my side all the time. I need someone…. to love and to care and would listen to me and love me sincerely and honestly without hesitation and doubts.

    Early next day, I woke up a little late to see the sunrise but kalag woke up so early. Hay! I love him, I think there’s a magic that keep us close. My fairy god mother waves her magic wand to have a dream come true. That was the beginning of all, where I suppose were friends for…. I don’t know? The group decided to go at Tap2. I didn’t go! It’s to hot and I’m definitely tired. I decided not to go with them and just go home. What a coincidence he does also want to go home. He has a friend which he importantly have to meet and with his teacher, daw! (iya crush…) I’m jealous, but were just friends (wa kay K Glynn to feel that!!). We finally reach at JY Square, I thought he would just leave me but he let me ride first (how sweet naman). When arrived home, I go directly upstairs straight to my room. I felt tired, I eat and finally take a bathe, and I decided to sleep. You know what? I receive his messages and keep on track. Would I think he feel the same way too? I really hope so…. I’m sleepy because of the tiring day I have. (Sleep nko!!) Zzzzh… Zzzzh…

   

    After a beauty rest, I notice I’m alone. A-L-O-N-E, I feel bored and I don’t know what to do. I text him and my prince came so fast. I let him enter to my room. Again we talked and you know what? We sing together (I will). I never let him eat (if I know gutom na jud to siya). I was so cruel but in fairness ha, I have a great time with him. We never notice the time, until Opaw, Rizza and Jocelyn arrived. They’re surprise seeing him. He went home….. We bid goodbye…. (bye2 Kalag) I have a wonderful day and an amazing night…. Tomorrow will be a new day, back to reality (Balik skwela).

    I went to school early next day and he text me. I feel I’m in heaven (I’m on the top of the world). He decided to go out with me (take note he wants to go out with me!) would it be the beginning of a true and real love? (sana) What does it mean? Does he love me too? To make the story short, I let him go out with me (4:30 at paper magic) how I wish I could fly so that I could just be on time. But I was late then, I come in and I saw him looking at the posters (he’s so cute) (Hai! Sana siya na…hehehe!). We watch two weeks notice and I don’t know what to say and what to do, I’m with him (would I just smile, talk or what?) through Christ grace everything runs slowly and perfectly (his so gentle). After the movie, we stroll around (hhww nasad). We eat some pizza, he sat in front of me and I think I’m melting. I’ve got a freezing feeling, I think I’m gonna go for upside down movement (basta laag pa mi, naa pa to Chris, I don’t know him) Until, I end up asking him why did he go out with me? (I’m just nobody) He told me because he loves me! (Makatarungan ba yon?) We sat in one corner and talk about it and it happen. (My God he does love me too!) I can’t believe it! It just happen but what is important is we both love each other and even more willing to share the best in us without thinking what would happen next. Taking all the risk and that’s what we call love.

    030303 the most memorable day which I will cherish each day….. The prince met his princess in a world of fun and wonders, wherein so many trials to be face and to be able to survive…. I was then, a person wish to have someone. I’m helpless and no where to go. I also have a floating idea. But I already found him and telling me he does loves me too… I must be thankful to my fairy godmother for letting me to have a dream come true. Does our relationship will last long? It is for you to check it out. Keep track!!!

“When you find love treasure it, take care of it, be true to it, make good of it, use of it because love comes unseen, you can only see it when it’s gone.”

                                                                                                                          -john & glynn